Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Your Toon is an Eff Up.

Have you ever thought about what bad behavior that your character or other players exhibit in WoW. Mass genocide of boars and foozles is just the start. Some random observations on why WoW players should be imprisoned.

Quests: Ok, so in real life we have quests. It is something like....Go to the grocery store and buy food. Reward: Not starving. In WoW, we walk up to random people and ask what they need. It makes me thing of a hobo or a drug dealer.

"Hey man. Hows it going. I need some dough.....yeah, I will take anything you got. I can hawk that shit. What do you want me to do? Yeah, I can go out and kill a dozen crocolisks and then sodomize their corpses. Cool.....50 silver and Sword of Crocodile Molesting would be awesome, thanks."

In real life, I dont see a dude standing on the street corned and walk up to him to ask if there is anything I can do for him. They would probably:

a) Think I can going to mug them and pepperspray me.
b) Think I am a perv and pepperspray me.
Second, there is just no other way to say this. Our characters and nasty, dirty, grubby mutherfvckers. Think about it.

Most normal people will shower on a daily basis, wash their clothes, throw out things that are bad, etc.

Our characters sit in nasty ass crusty armor for months on end without showering. Do I even need to ask where all the poo is going? My characters still have shoveltusk stew in their bags from their first time leveling through Wrath. That shit has to be rank by now.

Do you walk around with gobs of rotten and spoiling food in your pocket/purse? I didnt think so.

And where are out characters storing all of those pets? The old myth about Richard Gere and Gerbils comes to mind.

What do we put at the bank in real life? Money and in some cases, other valuable things or documents.

What do characters put in their banks? Hog balls, horse grits, and coffee gravy. Can you imagine the real life equivalent?

"Yes can I help you sir"
"I would like to make a deposit please"
"How much would you like to deposit?"
"Well, I have a pig carcass, a lumberjack hat, a bouquet of flowers, two small piles of pebbles, and a roll of toilet paper."

Our character would also be in trouble for animal abuse in the real world. We ride animals constantly without feeding them or watering them. We have pets that we train to kill and maim others. When we get in too much trouble, we let out pet get murdered and then fake like we are dead. Then we do it all over again. Hunters make Michael Vick look like a Saint.

Also, take into account dungeons. If we did the kind of shit we do in dungeons in real life, we would be in jail...probably awaiting the death penalty.

"Well Bob, what do you want to do tonight?"
"I was thinking we could go to Phil's house, murder him and his family, then take all of his stuff"
"That sounds like a good idea. He has and awesome pair of sunglasses that would totally be an upgrade over these."
"I know right? He has some nice croc skin shoes that would definately replace these old Reeboks."

What about gatherers in WoW? You see people that are farming herbs or ore and another guy swoops in to take it from them while they are busy killing a mob. It is the equivalent of stealing a lady's shopping cart while she is busy dealing with a crying toddler. Not very socially acceptable.

Overall, our WoW characters are horrible, horrible creatures. They murder, plunder, steal, and generally cause all kinds of mischief.


Leiandra said...

You forgot the fact that our nasty armor comes from... well... nasty monsters. And where are these vile creatures holding this one-size-fits-all armor? I suppose a creature like Magmaw simply swallowed it. But where did he get it from? Who was the original crafter of said armor? And can't I just go to THAT guy?

Vordan said...

My polearm came out the ass of a boar...nastay