Wednesday, September 23, 2009

If WoW were Real Life

Shit would be pretty interesting if WoW were the same as real life. Some random thoughts for this Wednesday morning.

1)You could summon your car. You would have no need for a garage or parking spaces. You could just go stand in the street and summon your Toyota. You would also be able to make your car jump and spin ridiculously.

2) You would not need to eat or drink. Unless of course you wanted the plus career skills and sex appeal buff from your Grandma's chicken dumplings. You would only really need to eat after you got the crap beat out of you for tracking mud on the carpet.

3) If you died, no biggy. Just run back to your body and live again. If there is no body just run back to the place where you died and you will get a new body (equally sexy as the last one).

4) You would all be buffed and/or have a huge rack. There would be no more fatties or ugly people. We would all be really really ridiculously good Zoolander....or like Jong before he went Alliance.

5) There would be no more real jobs. You either ground meter maids and IRS employess for cash or you sold stuff on the stock market. People would stand around with a hat with an exclamation point on it if they needed something done. These people never move or change at all.....and they have the same task for everyone. Somehow they do not end up with a giant stinking barrel of East LA Crypt eyeballs sitting behind them.

6) Everyone would be homeless. And you would disappear from view when you fell asleep. When you "woke up", you would be well rested and get twice as much satisfaction from running over your third grade teacher with a Zamboni.

7) Nobody would need to go to the bathroom. Unless you ate the peanuts at the werent supposed to eat those and must now crap them up for the next person to eat.

8) Everything would be settled with a duel. You have an arguement? Challenge them to a duel. Whoever wins is right. Since everyone is buff and equal, these would be relatively even....except the people who keyboard turn....they lose.

9) It would be funny when your friend died in some ridiculous way. Since people dont actually die, that tragic fishing accident where your friend got impaled on a whale penis is actually hilarious. Bonus laughter points if you are the one that causes them to die....such as unsummoning your Toyota when you drive off the grand canyon.

10) You could only do one dance per race. Mexicans get a salsa dance. African Americans get the MC Hammer dance. Anglo Americans do the waltz. Asians do the robot. All of them. DOMO ORIGATO MR ROBOTO.

Anyone have any additional things to add to the list of our make believe world where we get to be much bigger bamfs than IRL?


"D" said...

I enjoy reading these types of posts from you - glad you're back. :-)

Serials said...

You would go and defeat old bosses because you were bored.

Darraxus said...

Nice. Eff you Sears manager. I have grown more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Leiandra said...

Yeah, but... there's the down side. Some RL people would be NPC's. How'd you like to be Edward VanCleef that always gets his butt kicked every time some level 80 is running some alt through Deadmines. OR... you could be the dumb lady that sells bread in SW.

Arioch said...

I think we're missing something here... we would all be sexy and anatomically incomplete. /gasp

Summon a Toyota? F that. I've got portals, bitches!

Sending people to the middle of nowhere in real life would be awesome. "Step through this portal. There is pie on the other side."

And the rip at Jong is full of win.

Darth Solo said...

And the best one: we'd have no need for real sex! Wait...

thedoctor said...


I wouldn't say they wouldn't be anymore ugly people. Almost every race on the horde is fugly and who in their right mind finds female dwarfs attractive?

Enless your into midgets.

Anonymous said...

We see people has a RED name on their head, we gank them.

We dont grow old. We just level.

We dont go to doctor. If our health is no good we just badage ourself or eat some food.

We kill monster for a living. Nobody need to go school or go to office.

We dont get married. We have no lover and we will never give birth.

Lucrosus @ US Hyjal said...

How about, you never spend 20 minutes looking for your lost keys again! They magically appear on your invisible but infinite-capacity keychain!