Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Fail Tank Strikes Again.....more at 11!!!!!

Last night was Return of the Failtank. Much like Luke in Empire Strikes Back, he did not finish his training....and HE WAS NOT PREPARED!!!!!

I was questing on my Warlock sitting in LFG for regular ToC when I get a whisper to pew pew for some free epix. Hells yeah I thought. Once the group gets going, it is a 80 prot paladin, 80 ret paladin, 79 Hunter, 80 Holy Priest, and me, the 78 Warlock.

As soon as we get in, the tank tells us that he has never tanked the instance before. Meh, no big deal. If you have done it in any other role, you should be able to do it with no problem.

What he really meant was "I have never tanked anything ever." During the first boss fight, we were pulling aggro like a paparazzi at Brittney Spears house. Which is really stange considering that I was doing like 1400-1500 dps and the Hunter was doing 1200ish.

There turned out to be two reasons why. Number one. The guy didnt have righteous fury on. To which he responded "Lol I forgot". Second....in the immortal words of the Onyxia Wipe guy....HE DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. Rotations? Who needs them. 969 rotation? Who needs it! He did 500 dps on the first boss encounter.....yes, you read that correctly. 5 fucking hundred dee pee ess. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?

So, we move on to the next boss. Unlucky for us, we get the priest bitch. We wipe. Our DPS is a bit low overall. The tank has shot up to a massive.....600 DPS!!!! We get back in and start buffing up.

Then the other Paladin says "Lol seal of light". Yes, he was actually tanking with seal of light. Instead of smashing his head in with a fireplace poker, I decided that I would help Corky out. I let him know what he should probably be using vengeance. Using light instead of vengeance is like using a nerf bat instead of a real bat. You could theoretically beat someone to death....but it would take a REALLY FUCKING LONG TIME. I also told him about Maintankadin.com for all of his pally tanking needs. I also told him to judge more. It was his lowest damage damage ability in the run.

With a few more tools in his toolbelt, he actually did a respectable 1500 dps on the Black Knight. We turned that Fail Tank into a real tank with just a little bit of guidance. I am sure he has a long way to go, but actually helping people works a lot better than just laughing at them. Although the laughing part is good for blogging, it wont make him suck less.


What's my main Again? said...

The whole seal of light thing... ya... I was in a VoA pug on my rogue nublet. The group was kind of lacking and one of the tanks dropped out. So some switching around and someone says I have this great ret paladin! So the great ret paladin was invited.

He then proceeded to put out 1400 dps on Koro. 1400! Much confusion followed on vent... "he usually does 3k" they say.

We group back up rebuff and then I took a look at his buffs. What seal was he using? Yep Seal of Light. I asked him why he was using that seal and he responded "oh for the healing"


We did one more attempt before the group fell apart with my mostly blue geared rogue leading in dps...

Dorgol said...

I healed a HToC on Sunday. Clean clear, very fast. A couple of people wanted to run the Heroic Daily and the DPS Death Knight said he could tank it.

After his gear and spec swap, he looked solid. Since all I could see was his health, 30k seemed like a good sign.

Sadly, while his health was great - his threat generation was non-existant. By the time we cleared the place we had completely wiped twice, but had several partial wipes. I'm pretty sure the top DPS warlock had 11 deaths.

*vlad* said...

That reminds me of when I went to Occulus normal on my Holy Pally with a DK trying to tank.
Even on the first few trash mobs I was having to spam Holy Light just to keep the guy up.
After wiping maybe 4 times before we even got to the first boss, I pulled the plug. Sometimes you know there is no point continuing.

Kusamoto said...

lol. Now that I'm running an all-DPS all the time toon, I empathize. I'm back, by the by. Not sure if I'll be blogging at all, but figured I'd catch up. I'm stuck in the house for the foreseeable future with the Swine Flu, so I'll probably be stopping by often.

Ironshield said...

Wait - we need to gen threat? Since when?! /grin.

BTW, that was class act to help him rather than openly ridicule him. I think in the long run, it pleases the loot distribution gods. (Which of course means they will drop what you want, but some n00b will Need it and then DE it!)

Hey - it's October 13th - post a list of 13! (yours will be more entertaining than mine!)


Darth Solo said...

Well you were lucky he was open-minded enough (and not a jerk) to listen to your directions. Sometimes people take it really badly when you're pointing out that they don't know how to play their class.

Sharyar said...

At first I thought that this was the same tank I had, but you said he actually improved, so I guess not.

I have a tanking toon as well, probably my second best geared toon actually, I know I am not that guy, but I sometimes wonder if there were ways I was messing a run up. Still at least I put out about 1500 dps while tanking.