Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Raid Bosses: Dumb as a Box of Rocks

Let me first start off by saying that this is in no way a QQ about raid bosses being too easy. This is a look at WTF the raid bosses are thinking in any given encounter. Despite them being able to hit very hard and having ridiculous health pools, they often times do stupid stuff.

First thing that comes to mind is the enrage timer.

Patchwerk: "I have been hitting you guys for six minutes and you arent dead. I guess I will just kill you now." If they are capable of this massive amount of damage, why do they wait to use it? If I were to get into a fight, I wouldnt try to slap someone for 5 minutes and then decide to hit them with some haymakers.

Next thing that comes to mind it dumb targeting. "Hmmmmm, I am beating on this guy wearing plate armor for the last 5 minutes and he still is not dead. I guess I will beat on him some more." A smart boss would say "Hey, I have been beating on this guy in plate for a while and those dumb little clothies keep healing them", /target healer, /pewpew. "Wow, that was much easier".

Next on our list of dumb things that bosses do is that they get into patterns that are easy to figure out. For example:

Heigan the Unclean: "Thats right little bitches, I am going to shoot up easily avoidable waves of nasty stuff in a pre-determined pattern that you can take advantage of." If Heigan the Unclean was not such a dumb ass he would probably say....."Eff this, Im just gonna fill the entire room with green stuff. See ya."

Kel'Thuzad: "Yes, I am a master of the undead. I will send easily controllable waves of undead at you. No more that a few at a time. How you like them apples......wait.....stop killing them.......1 Abom to the center......SHIT.......2 skeletons......SHIT.....OK, the banshee has to work......DOH". If he was an actual evil mastermind you would think he would just say "LULZ 25? Here are about 100 undead all streaming at you at once. Have fun with that....oh, and here are a couple of crypt guards for good measure. KK THX BAI".

The dumbest of the dumb for any raid boss. Using an ability that allow the members of a raid to survive, where if they didn't, everyone would be dead as a door nail.

Sapphiron: "Im tired of getting beat on.....guess I will take off into the air. Pew Pew....HAHA iceblocks bishes. Now her comes the big one.......nice job running behind that ice block.......damn you guys are smart. Guess I will just land and let you beat on me some more then". Instead, he should have learned from his mistake. " Crap, they ran behind that iceblock (lands, pew pews, flys again), HAHA NO MORE ICEBLOCKS LETS SEE YOU HIDE FROM THIS NOW!!!!"

Another funny one is just how lazy some bosses appear to be. The first one who comes to mind are Sartharion and his drakes.

Sarth with no drakes: "Hey, who is that up there beating on Tenebron.....hey you....shoo......oh bother. I guess I will just sit here and watch the door instead of defending the precious eggs that Deathwing tasked me with."

Sarth's Drakes: "Hmmmm, it looks like someone is trying to kill Sarth.....well, I can just finish this sodoku....shit...he is calling for someone......oh good, he just wants Tenebron to help defend the eggs. Maybe after breakfast I will go see what all the hub-bub is about."

I absolutely love WoW. It just makes me laugh sometimes when I think about bosses, and the dumb things they do to give us purple pixles.

Side Note: I got into a PuG Naxx last night on my Warrior. I was very excited about Patchwerk even though we ended up not downing him due to healers letting tanks die. Over our few tries, I pulled 2100 DPS, using 261 Heroic Strikes to just 7 white hits. I think I may have set my mouse wheel on fire. :)


Fulguralis said...

Epic. I definitely lawled.

Rob said...

haha, love the post. I've thought about one or two of those before, but you put it into words very nicely. I've always thought it was funny that you could walk into a boss's room and spend 5 minutes going over the fight while he just kind of sat around staring at you.

Megan said...

Great post!

babayaga said...

thats the same thing from those movies that the villain explains all his plan before killing the good guy, than all cavalry comes and he gets pwned..

but i never thought that way for wow bosses.. and loled hard about that post :P

Fuubaar said...

Funny thing is, as a tank trying to do pvp on the side, I have a hard time trying to get people to run at me.

"I taunted you... why are you running away from me?"

Wonderful Post!

Elleiras said...

lol! Love this post.

kyrilean said...

Definitely LMAO on this one! :)

Kestrel said...

This is great stuff! :D

Stop said...

This post was legen--wait for it--


I haven't laughed so hard all day. As long as we're on the subject of Heigan being a dumbass, how does he not notice the 10-to-25 heavily armed mercenaries gathering in the corner of his room and staring at him?

Josh said...

"Foolsss...Kill the one in the dress!"

Anonymous said...

Great post!

Kel'Thuzad: reminds me of the "bad guys" in the average martial arts movie.

20 bad guys surround hero... take him on one-by-one.

Duruk, Ghostlands-EU said...

It's the same with all the patrols and guards inside raids and instances.

"Hmm, wasn't there a guard outside this door a minute ago? Oh, well. Nevermind, I'll just keep doing my rounds."

"It's been a while since that patrol was here. Should I go look? Nah, I'll just stick around and see what happens."

Darraxus said...

So, what we have learned from this and all the comments. In WoW we are all part of a bad fantasy kung fu movie.